A Letter to an Abusive Birth Mother

The anger is gone now, replaced by a sincere sadness and pity for who you were and what you allowed your priorities to become. I can't even begin to imagine what a tortured soul you must have been, and what type of inner demons persuaded you to unleash your anger on such an innocent little girl. She did nothing wrong, but you poured out all your frustration of everything that had gone wrong in your life on her. Her physical scars will always be there, a constant reminder of that awful night when you destroyed every last shred of trust and any future you might have been able to salvage with your only child.

You will never know the emotional damage you caused or the years of behavioral and trust issues your daughter fought so hard to overcome. But with love, patience and lots of support, overcome she did! You will never see what a beautiful, sensitive and smart young woman she is turning out to be. She looks so very much like you did, but yet, is nothing like you at all.

She never talks about you, but the unasked questions are always there, lurking under the surface. Even if she gave them a voice, her and I both know there would never be an answer, at least not one that would make her feel any better, or give her the reassurance that somehow in your own way you really did love her.

She's sixteen now, busy with friends, school and church activities; a straight A student, president of her junior class and stunning in her prom dress. Time has gone by so fast, and I can't help but think how blessed I have been to share these moments with her as her mother; moments that should have belonged to you; moments that you carelessly tossed aside for a lousy hit of crack. Was it worth it?

If it were possible for you to answer, I'm sure you would scream a vehement "NO!" But graves are silent and keep their secrets. Even with all the mistakes and tragedy that surrounded your life, you did somehow manage to create a precious gem of a daughter, and for that I am eternally gratefully.