Lowering Your Terrorist Score: A Politically Incorrect Guide

Do you ever travel outside of the United States? Do you import or export products? Then you have a terrorist score assigned to you by the United States government. The government has been using this system for the past four years. The terrorist score is your rating on how high of a risk you are to national security. Whether you are entering or leaving the United States, the Automated Targeting System will determine your terrorist score. If you rank high, be prepared for a lot of questions and delays at the airport and border. The government refuses to say how they determine your terrorist score, and you are not allowed to see it or even challenge it. This article is about how they come up with your terrorist score, and what you can do to lower it.

According to the Department of Homeland Security, some information gathered to create your score are dates you reserve flights, date of intended travel, your name, names of who you travel with, number of people you travel with, address, payment method, billing address, contact telephone, countries of origin and destination, frequent flyer, travel agency and agent, one-way tickets, e-mail address, remarks you make, ticket and seat number, date ticket purchased, no show history, number of bags, special services requests and more. There will be additional information such as federal, state and local databases, criminal history and motor vehicle data. source

Here is my politically incorrect but true way of lowering your terrorist score:

Do not take a one-way flight anywhere without baggage

Special order a vegetarian meal (everyone knows a vegetarian could not be a terrorist)

Avoid using any Middle Eastern name

Hum "America the Beautiful" while waiting in line at security

Get a seat by the window instead of the aisle

Get a patriotic pro-military e-mail address

Avoid shouting "Allah Akhbar!" while at the airport

Wear jeans, an American flag T-shirt and leave the burkha at home

Don't make any remarks about life being too short

Carry an autographed picture of President Bush in your luggage

Do not try to tip airport personnel with Saudi Arabia currency