The Other Side of Break-Ups

I sat on the sofa, working diligently at pretending to read a book while my mind went on screaming. He was sitting in the dining room but I could feel the nervous concern of his gaze, carefully scanning me for signs of sentient life. I knew what his next words would be. You don't live with someone for all those years without being able to sense the yet unspoken. I didn't know if I would have the courage to answer. To forever interrupt the patterns of our shared lives that had become such a source of unhappiness for me.

"Are you OK? What are you thinking?"

There it was. For a moment, time stood still. And, in that moment, I realized that if there were even a remote possibility that he would be able to understand the words I was about to speak, and the painfully difficult feelings that created them, and in a way that I longed to be understood, none of this would be necessary.

There's nothing easy about the ending of a relationship. Let's face it. It's nothing short of miraculous when two people get together. As a species, we are seriously complex. We spend years building up our emotional defenses. Most of these defenses are erected subconsciously to protect us from repeating hurtful experiences. Others we create to intentionally keep people at a safe and comfortable distance so as not to allow anyone to get close enough to actually cause us pain. So, when we, against all odds, actually let someone in, remove the barriers and let the walls fall down, it really is a spectacular achievement.

Some break-ups, though difficult and painful, are at least simple. Sometimes a relationship blows up dramatically, like when the stupid son of a bitch accidentally slips and falls landing naked into the arms (and various other naked body parts) of another. Or when arguments start including fists, dishes, golf clubs and other instruments of physical abuse. These cause an enormous amount of complex emotions, but do allow for a clean and fast break, frequently giving the neighbors an entertaining, R rated show, and lots to talk about (behind your back) over the next few weeks.