Military Wife Tips: Keeping Any Long Distance Relationship Alive

From a Military Wife Who Knows

By Elizabeth Ann West, published Oct 19, 2007
Published Content: 9  Total Views: 2,664  Favorited By: 1 CPs
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I have read the same old tips and tricks for long distance relationships on numerous web sites. Usually they are no-brainers, or they are so unrealistic they lack a practical explanation of how do you use it? My goal here is to give some tried and true techniques to making the distance shrink, and use my own life and experiences as practical examples.

My husband is a submariner in the United States Navy, and together we have completed 2 deployments plus countless weeks of workups, exercises, and short-term separations. If you also include the long hours he works while he is port, usually leaving the home before the sun rises and returning long after it has set, we have spent far more time apart than physically together. I am well versed in his absence at holiday gatherings. In 4 years, he has been absent 4 Halloweens, 3 Easters, 2 entire summers, 2 Thanksgivings, and 1 Christmas. He has already missed 75% of our anniversaries, and I have only celebrated his birthday with him on time once. Thankfully he has never missed my birthday, but that required me to fly to Japan this year just to keep that one holiday free from his absences!

I grew up a Navy dependent, so I didn't naively marry into the Navy family. I knew the hard work and dedication it takes to make a military marriage work. I watched my parents constantly toil at keeping their relationship alive and our family close from infancy until I was 18 years old. None of the pain and loneliness is ever alleviated by the money you receive or the fact that military families fill a revered patriotic role in their many sacrifices.

Despite all of this, I wouldn't trade my marriage or life for anything. Our relationship is not easy. But, my husband and I have some tried and tested techniques we use to keep our relationship alive.

Takeaways
  • Realistic communication skills
  • Advice for separations
  • Making a military marriage work
Comments
Showing Comments 1 - 5 of 5
 
 
Hi Elizabeth! Thank you for the tips you have shared. My bf is in the army too and we are thousand miles away from each other. Just like pll give me some advice, I'm experiencing the same problems with him too. I thought I'm the only one with such dilemma and I'm quite relieved that I'm not alone .There were many times that he won't contact me for several days and for the past month, I feel like he's not putting enough effort in our relationship. I'm the one who keeps on calling him (he would only call when I ask him to), he never replied to my emails and stopped coming online. He says he's very busy with work and cant chat there coz that is not allowed plus he doesnt have internet at home. I dont want to count the things I do for the relationship but sometimes I feel like I'm pushing myself to him already and his lack of effort makes me feel like he's getting tired of me. I love the guy to bits and losing him is something I dont want to think of. Are guys in the army really like this

Posted on 06/27/2008 at 9:06:20 PM

 
My bf who is also my first bf who is a marine now is working in another country, and we only contact by emails. Usually he replied me asap, and one time he did not reply me for 10 days or so, i was really not happy with that and told him about that, he said angrily that I dont reply u does not mean i dont like u. Then after that things get worse, he disappeared for 1 month!! Then I almost tried to forget him, he contacted me again, explaining he was crazy busy there. I dont wanna know whether it is true or not, just kept contacting with him. Last week, I asked whether he took some pics recently, he said too busy to do so. Ok, I accepted. Then I asked him whether I can see him on cam on msn, just see him to make sure he is ok. Guess what? he did not reply me again! I dont know what happened, is he trying to hide something? I dont think my requirement is demanding, we are in rela for 1 year. Just like ur case, he never said wanan end our relationship, but just keep silent. I feel confus

Posted on 04/25/2008 at 6:04:31 AM

 
Thanks Praveen! I'm glad my article helped. I wrote it because I was tired of the same tips being out there without real world application. You can't give people the what without the how! I'm not saying my marriage is the perfect model, but my husband and I have had to endure some pretty tough obstacles to our happiness, and we figured out ways to overcome them, so why not share? :)

Posted on 10/31/2007 at 11:10:00 PM

 
Great tips, me and my wife are on two different sides of the country, i am in west and she on the east coast, none of us are in the military but are separated because of work related compulsions. Your tips are so invaluable, i am sure you understand what i mean. Thanks so much!

Posted on 10/29/2007 at 1:10:00 AM

 
Elizabeth, This year I experienced a tenth of what you go through when my husband spent 8 months in Austrlia finishing his master's degree. We talked nightly via email, phoned when we could and missed each other a lot. I couldn't do what you do, but it is reassuring to know I can live without him...temporarily :)

Posted on 10/24/2007 at 10:10:00 PM

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