Military Wife Tips: Keeping Any Long Distance Relationship Alive
From a Military Wife Who Knows
I have read the same old tips and tricks for long distance relationships on numerous web sites. Usually they are no-brainers, or they are so unrealistic they lack a practical explanation of how do you use it? My goal here is to give some tried and true techniques to making the distance shrink, and use my own life and experiences as practical examples.My husband is a submariner in the United States Navy, and together we have completed 2 deployments plus countless weeks of workups, exercises, and short-term separations. If you also include the long hours he works while he is port, usually leaving the home before the sun rises and returning long after it has set, we have spent far more time apart than physically together. I am well versed in his absence at holiday gatherings. In 4 years, he has been absent 4 Halloweens, 3 Easters, 2 entire summers, 2 Thanksgivings, and 1 Christmas. He has already missed 75% of our anniversaries, and I have only celebrated his birthday with him on time once. Thankfully he has never missed my birthday, but that required me to fly to Japan this year just to keep that one holiday free from his absences!
I grew up a Navy dependent, so I didn't naively marry into the Navy family. I knew the hard work and dedication it takes to make a military marriage work. I watched my parents constantly toil at keeping their relationship alive and our family close from infancy until I was 18 years old. None of the pain and loneliness is ever alleviated by the money you receive or the fact that military families fill a revered patriotic role in their many sacrifices.
Despite all of this, I wouldn't trade my marriage or life for anything. Our relationship is not easy. But, my husband and I have some tried and tested techniques we use to keep our relationship alive.
- Realistic communication skills
- Advice for separations
- Making a military marriage work
Comments
fa
(Guest)
(Guest)
12/27/2009
Thank you for a well written article. My husband and I are working in different countries (fortunately, same time zones!) and it takes a lot of effort to make things work. We're not in the military, but this article is an eye opener and has given us great advice.
Jackie
(Guest)
(Guest)
12/22/2009
Thanks for the good advice! I'm in a new relationship with a sailor and unfortuantely I've already made some of the mistakes you warn against...and realized afterwards I have a lot to think about before deciding if this is the type of life I am cut out for. After giving it a lot of thought, I think I'm up for the challenge...and your tips make it seem possible to make a relationship work (with a lot of work) even if we are apart a lot.
Ben Connolly
(Guest)
(Guest)
11/17/2009
ce sooner or later. Look at where the two of you are heading and beware of idiots telling you how hard and reinforcing the doubt in your mind of long distance, people do it everyday....there are only two parties that control the outcome. Her and I, anything else is on the peripheral!
Ben Connolly
(Guest)
(Guest)
11/17/2009
Hi to all those readers an writers.
I am about to start special forces training in the next 8-12weeks. Obviously being special forces deployments overseas are inevitable.. usually at 6month intervals. My gf and i are both very nervous about this, not so much because of the distance, but because we are so dearly in love that the idea of not seeing her for that period of time is truly conflicting. However we have spoken many times and we just look to the future, a few tough years is nothing relative to a lifetime together. We are both young (25) and look at things such as future travel, starting a family together, marriage, growing old together as tools to see the tough times through. We have been doing long distance for the last 6months seeing each other monthly which has been one of the toughest things ever. At the end of the day, i see my future with her and she sees hers with me, everything else is just pieces of the puzzle that although hard to endure, will eventually fall into pla
Sheryl
(Guest)
(Guest)
10/13/2009
I'm certainly younger than most visiting this page, but I've been getting to the point of hopelessness in my relationship, which recently became long distance and is to remain that way for the next several years. I've been trying to find anything at all to help the situation. This is the first article so far to actually provide sound advice. Thank you so much.
Tricia
(Guest)
(Guest)
06/24/2009
Thank you for the advice. I am in a new relationship with a man who is in the army in Bagdad. It has been difficult enough starting a relationship with him away, but to have others telling me it is not going to work has made it ever more so. Thank you for your words of advice, they are greatly apreciated.
Robyn
(Guest)
(Guest)
01/04/2009
Thank you for sharing this wonderfully written article! I enjoyed it, and your advice is much appreciated, I'm currently in a relationship with a wonderful Marine, who is stationed in Iraq. Being new to any form of military relationship this is very hard time for me but I count the days until he comes home I sincerely want our relationship to work; I believe your tips may actually help, Thank you so much!
Help ease the pain
(Guest)
(Guest)
11/03/2008
Hi Elizabeth,
I enjoyed reading your article and appreciate how you are trying to help military couples deal with the grittiness and pain of being apart for extended periods of dangerous duty. Maintaining parental long distance relationships was a part of growing up in my family as a child, and later on as an adult, I endured seven years of emotional turmoil in a romantic long distance relationship. I am interested in helping military couples bridge the long gaps of loneliness. Two years ago, I published a book on maintaining long distance relationships and thought your readers might benefit from it. I talk about codes of conduct while apart and during phoning, creative ways to express your love, and ways to simulate a physical togetherness.
If anyone is interested, here is a hyperlink to my book The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook:
www.amazon.com/Long-Distance-Relationship-Guidebook/dp/0615137172/
Sincerely,
Sylvia Shipp
shana bee
(Guest)
(Guest)
11/01/2008
thanks so much for the tips...my boyfriend is in the military and is in kuwait now..i havent heard from him in couple days only because hes so busy up there..and is probably tired..i did used to send him care packages considering we are both from hawaii and he loves the local snacks here..we've been together for 2 years now...and i believe as muchas this may be a hard time for us...we can make it...ur tips helped me feel so much better knowing..
THANKS
beatiful
(Guest)
(Guest)
09/07/2008
i met a man who worked in the airforce thru text jan. of this year...i met him thru a friend but our communication didnt last long...however he went to visit his family and we got a chance to meet in person.. we went out for dates and i learned that he liked me... then the day came that he needs to come back to the base and promised to call me...he did...just once...i even txt and make calls but he didnt reply, i learned from his sis and mom that he's not calling them and neither answered their calls...im getting tired of waiting...i guess all men in the service are like him...im still hoping that we can still make our communication open...
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