The First Day of School from Daddy's Perspective

Time passes so quickly. Just the other day I was holding my one pound twins in my hand and wondering if they would grow up like other little girls. Now, I shed a tear as they climb onto the school bus and head off to kindergarten. No more keeping them safe and protected from the world. They are now "out there" and kindergarten is just the beginning. As a Dad, I hesitate to let them go. The world is so cruel.

Watching them climb the stairs onto that bus, every single memory from birth to present seemed to jangle through my aching mind. As they turned to me, and waved that half hearted, scared goodbye, I wanted to run to that bus and pull them back to me. I wanted to pull them all the way back to the womb, and listen to them kick in Mommy's safe tummy.

Watching them trudge slowly to their seat and sitting down, I saw them through the window of the bus, and they both gave me the thumbs up signal. This signal means they are okay, and they have done it since they were three. I gave them the thumbs up signal too, but it was a lie. I hoped that they did not see that. My greatest fears were coming true, and I had to stand there and take it.

The bus lurched forward and I saw the fear grow in their eyes. I was holding the blankets that they love so much in my hands. I had taken them away before they got on the bus, because they were "big" girls now and did not need them at school. The truth was, I needed them, and kept them with me all day long.

As I walked back into the empty house, empty of all the sounds of my children, I sat down at my desk to work. I draped the blankets across the side of my chair so that I might smell them as I worked. That gave me some comfort, but my Daddy instincts were on fire. I felt a need to go to the school, but knew that it would only make things tougher, and would extend the pain.