What to Expect the First Year After Giving Up Your Child for Adoption

As a birth mom who placed my daughter for adoption as a newborn in August 2000, I had some idea of what to expect in terms of emotions and feelings thanks to attending group therapy for others going through the same experience.

However, there were some things that blindsided me and I wish I had been better prepared to handle them at the time.

When I was pregnant I read the famous book What To Expect When You're Expecting and that was helpful but there wasn't a book for the after-effects of placing my child for adoption for the first time.

The only thing I had to go on was what therapists and other birth moms who had placed their children before me told me.

If you're a birth mom getting ready to place your child for adoption or one who just did the deed of giving your little one a new home, I won't lie to you - it's the hardest thing you'll ever do and it won't feel good. I'd be worried about anyone who had no emotions about it. For me it felt like someone died, to quote a fellow birth mom who is now 25. (Source: Gladney). My heart was broken into a million pieces, I didn't eat or sleep for two weeks and I was suffering post-partum depression at a whole different level.

You may experience insomnia, trouble concentrating, anxiety, emotions related to separation issues, nightmares, hearing a baby cry, trouble connecting with others, acting out sexually or going to the extreme and isolating, difficulty working or doing simple, daily tasks, trouble having any kind of fun, guilt, shame, awkwardness, projecting, and crying uncontrollably. (Source: Rev. Ken Ehrke).

The most important things are to surround yourself with supportive people and to not deny your emotions or feelings as well as being gentle with yourself.

It helped me to talk to a birth mom ahead of time before I left the maternity home I'd been living in for several months to get connected with some support.