Parenthood: A "Childless" Stepmother's Journey

"Naïve" could've easily been my middle name when I first became a stepmother. Shortly after I married my husband, my then 10-year-old stepson came to live with us. A year later, my 14-year-old stepdaughter followed suit. I knew that there would be an adjustment period for all of us as we got used to living under the same roof together and worked toward becoming a full-fledged family. Never in a million years, however, did I think that I would not be viewed by society as a real parent.

It would take nothing less than solid parenting for me to care for my stepchildren during some of the most awkward and developmentally challenging years of their lives. Both my husband and I were working full-time, and he had made the decision to advance his education by taking night classes, which would make me the primary caretaker of our children. I was petrified by the thought of instant parenthood. At the same time, I was also excited by it. But as I began to embrace the concept of motherhood from the vantage point of a stepmother, I had to face the reality that in the eyes of some people, I was still childless.

Conversations with bio parents at work never ceased to enlighten me about the way society views stepparents. I'll never forget the year my stepson Adam decided to spend Mother's Day at home with me, instead of with his biological mother, who he usually spent it with. "Why would he want to do that?" several of my coworkers asked. "Maybe he carries some deep-seated resentment toward his mother," someone stated. This couldn't have been farther from the truth, as Adam loves both his mother and I very much. It was just a choice that he had made because we had grown so close, and we had never really shared this holiday together.