A Survival Guide to Horror Movies, Part III

The following is Part III of guidelines to surviving a horror movie. Happy haunting! (Note: these tips are purely for entertainment purposes only.)

If your husband abruptly makes friends with the cute elderly couple next door, call a divorce attorney, stat! The pair of old fragile folks are in all probability freaky Satan worshippers who will grant you and your husband great success, providing that you deliver the Devil's spawn from your loins. That should be a deal breaker for any marriage.

If you groggily awaken to find your leg chained to a wall in what looks like an abandoned warehouse, bathroom or underground prison, and you can't quite remember how you got there, or why there's a tape recorder or video marked 'play me'...put on your thinking cap and try not to panic. The tape is going to give you riddles to figure out that have very easy answers to ensure the safety of you or your loved ones. Don't complicate matters; the questions or tasks you need to solve are not the theory of relativity. Practice the K.I.S.S. method, (keep it simple stupid) and there'll be a higher possibility of escaping.

Séances, Ouija boards and talking dolls are a major no-no. Whether you believe or not, the paranormal have a way of presenting themselves at the least opportune time, wreaking havoc on the mortal world. Why trap a soul here on Earth if it can be avoided? As for the Disney tale of "Toy Story," where toys come to life and are funny, cute and super awesome...forget about it. If a doll comes to life in a scary movie, it ain't to play with you. Removing the batteries won't help, because chances are, it isn't running on battery power. It's possessed and dangerous...and after you.

A Survival Guide To Horror Movies, Part III

Credit: Maria Grella

Copyright: Maria Grella