Why Every Teacher Should Read The Lost Boy by Dave Pelzer

The Lost Boy is the account of a young boy who has survived abuse and entered the maze of foster care. What makes this book invaluable is that it is written by the survivor and illustrates the unique perspective of the child.

Although David entered the realm of foster care, there are many lost children who remain with their biological parents. You will recognize them in the pages of this book.

David has been in my classroom. He's been in yours too. He is a challenge to reach and challenge to teach. He is angry, sullen, withdrawn, and sometimes downright difficult to deal with.

He may refuse to do anything. He may sleep. He may seem detached and appear to be in another world. He may act like he hates you one day and loves you another.

He will most probably get involved with some deviant behaviors just to fit into a group. Others will use him. They will egg him on until he does their dirty work. He will get caught and suffer the consequences, but will not rat on the others.

I was surprised to discover that David knew the others were using him and taking advantage of him, but he was so desperate to belong that he was willing to accept this to be part of group.

I always assumed the child did not understand that he was being taken advantage of. As teachers, the most common approach to this is to somehow enlighten the child so he will recognize the true motives of his so called friends. We remind them that these other kids are not their real friends and encourage them to make good choices when making friends.

We sometimes forget that they have no choices if they have already been rejected by their peers. David knew this. He had accepted this. But his drive to belong was so strong that he was willing to fulfill any role to be part of a group. He needed to belong to something.

The poignant details of a young boy who wanted so desperately to belong that he was willing to take risks that the knew meant trouble, opens up a whole new understanding of why good kids do bad things; and why it is so hard to reach them.

I see now how foolish it is to make attempts to persuade the child to choose different friends. He doesn't have a choice. Everyone else has already rejected him.