How to Write a Romantic Comedy Part One: Must Love Dogs

If the statistics can be trusted one out of every ten men in America is gay, but some how ten out of every ten lead female characters in the movies have a gay male friend. They have become the trusty Indian sidekick of the Romantic Comedy. This only comes to mind because I saw MUST LOVE DOGS the other day and really saw no need for the gay friend, except as a tip of the hat to the gay community. There were no Indians in the film.

I’m man enough to admit I like a good Romantic Comedy. SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, CLUELESS, GROUNDHOG DAY, or WHEN HARRY MET SALLY all come to mind at the top of the list. TOOTSIE would be another. ANNIE HALL, THE GRADUATE, THE APARTMENT, TO CATCH A THEF; I even have a soft spot for BORN YESTERDAY (the original, not the Melanie Griffith abortion).

As long as I’m blowing dust off of old favorites, pretty much anything by Preston Sturges is worth a watch. Toss in THE PHILADELPHIA STORY, HIS GIRL FRIDAY and MY MAN GODFREY and there is a lot to like about the Romantic Comedy. Hell, even THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY must be counted.

That’s why I went to see MUST LOVE DOGS. I had hope. Diane Lane is great. John Cusack is well… John Cusack, he’s not going to throw any surprises at you. And the book the screenplay was based on was written by a woman who lives the next town over from me, so I felt like I was supporting local arts by watchinig. I also felt dirty when I was done.

Instead of a theme or central question, we are handed characters with no real chemistry trying way too hard to be witty, an addled Stockard Channing aching for a Ritalin, and a cookie cutter story from ‘Cute Meet’ to ‘Joyous Defeat’. If you ever wanted to write your own Romantic Comedy and need to see the bare bones of the framework to hang your script on, watch MUST LOVE DOGS. I’ll try to recreate the schema here:

SEVEN STEPS TO A ROMANTIC COMEDY

1) Defining Moments. Right off the bat we have to know who our lovers are. More often than not, she’s been hurt by a love gone wrong and he’s John Cusack.