Pregnancy Woes

"Morning Sickness" all day and night,

Something didn't seem quite right.

Hugging the toilet, my best friend,

Always wondering when it would end.


Pickles and Ice Cream, oh so good,

Didn't stop eating...even if I could!

Cookies and candy and cake, oh my!

Counting Calories-never even tried


Stretch marks a mile deep and wide,

Behold! They even appeared on my hide!.

Orange, Purple, Pink, and Red,

Named every one of them, even Fred.


What is that? Could it be?

Is it really Cellulite I see?

Lumpy and Dumpy, like Cottage Cheese,

Surely, this must be some type of disease...


Alas, the end was finally near,

Nearly broke my husband's hand in fear.

Nurses and doctors screaming to me "PUSH!"

Oh! I think something came out of my tush....