Avoid Being the Late-Night Bar Joke: From Singing to Dancing to Flashing

After a late night out, it's easy to become the joke of the bar. Here are some tips to avoid becoming the late-night bar joke.

Don't think you can sing. Many people realize that they can't sing when they're sober, but then after they have a few drinks, they suddenly think they're Pavarotti. Even worse than their singing are the songs they choose to sing. The other bar patrons are often blessed with some way off-tune Hall and Oates, Captain and Tenille, or Sonny and Cher. Besides these retro duets, you should also avoid songs that are way too hard for a drunken lush to sing, like Aretha Franklin or Alicia Keys. Equally irritating are songs that you don't even know the words to when you're sober. Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire is best left to Billy Joel; let's face it, you can't even keep up with the tempo, let alone get your slurred words right.

What's even worse than drunken singing is when drunk people try to piece together an entire performance. I was once at a bar where a drunk guy started singing Stop in the Name of Love. I wanted to tell him to stop in the name of all that's Holy, but I didn't get a chance. Before I could say anything he had danced his way out of the bar and into the street. He walked into oncoming traffic, put up his hand, and half-screamed, half-sang, "Stop in the name of Love! Before you break my heart!" The oncoming car managed to stop, but they weren't impressed with his performance.

Keep your clothes on. Really, just keep them on. Since pounding down your last shot, you may have come to the realization that you are sexy...but no one else has. And, even if you are physically fit, nothing good ever comes from stripping down in the middle of a bar when you're drunk (unless it's your job, in which case, why are you drunk? That will kill your act!) In any case, keep your clothes on at all costs. I don't care if you have to glue them on and sew the buttons shut, just keep your clothes on.