Cool Intentions

This would probably come as a shock to everyone who knows me, but I have never been "cool." Now, now-I'm not being modest. I'm being honest. My road to adulthood has been one paved with embarrassing moments, lonely weekends and bad hair. My adolescence was rife with attempts to fit in without standing out too much. I really, really, really wanted to be cool.

Here, I am now, however, still living at home at 22. I am so broke and so in debt, and my hair is never quite right. It would be so easy for me to complain about all of the wrongs in my life, but I can't. Not hardly.

I am so blessed-really and truly, ridiculously blessed. Although things have not always worked out the way I would have planned, God has always supplied just enough to help me get by, to keep me from becoming spoiled. However, on those occasions when I spend the weekends alone or when I glimpse myself in the mirror and see how I look in all of my dorky glory, I can't help but feel defeated.

I still don't feel cool enough. Nor pretty enough. Nor smart enough, nor financially stable enough, nor "spiritual" enough. I'm not quite talented enough either. I guess sometimes I feel like-in the world's eyes-I'm not enough.

Now, I don't know about you, but I've always desired that "I don't care what people think of me" sort of attitude-because, after all, I shouldn't care what people think, within reason. However, if there's one thing my adolescent pop-culture icons have taught me, it's that being unaffected by your peers is nearly impossible.
Take DJ Tanner, for instance. (Hey, don't make fun of me! She was older than me, so I looked up to her.) As the oldest of three girls on ABC's Full House, DJ was forced to face the awkwardness of teenagedom without a good, female role model. (No, Becky doesn't really count.) Exhibit A: DJ was invited to a pool party at Kimmy Gibbler's house and felt she would look terrible in a bathing suit-bring on the crash diet! DJ manages to evade her unsuspecting family for a couple of days before Stephanie spills the beans that she has been starving herself. (A "Dad talk" ensued, and everything was better by the end.) Even DJ buckled under societal pressure!