Marriage: Blending Families with Autism

A little over 2 years ago, I married my wonderful husband. Upon this marriage, 2 totally different families merged into one. One had a child with Autism and one did not. It's been interesting to say the least.

Having raised my son, who is Autistic, as an only child, it was difficult for him to understand not being an only child anymore. My 23-year-old stepson had the same types of feelings. The difference? My stepson is not Autistic. He has the ability to reason normally, even if he sometimes doesn't act like it. The main problem is that he also expects his 12-year-old stepbrother to think and act rationally. This is often not possible for a child with Autism.

Children with Autism have their own take on logic. And it usually makes absolutely no sense to the rest of us. Especially someone who has not had all that much exposure to someone with a mental disability. Making assumptions and demands on a child with Autism is not a very bright way of dealing with the situation. Expecting them to think as a "normal" person thinks, or to act the way a "normal" person acts is absolutely silly. And ignorant. Instead, in a perfect situation, the step-sibling should make some kind of attempt to understand what's going on in the brain of their newest sibling. Instead of making themselves look stupid and uncaring. This is not the case for every new marriage, but it is the case in mine. So, I started thinking, and told myself that there has to be a way to help others out there who may encounter this situation themselves some day.

So here are some recommendations. If you are marrying into, or are taking on, a family who has a child with Autism, consider doing the following:

1. Share as much information about Autism as possible with your soon to be spouse about the condition if you are the parent of a child with Autism. If you are the soon to be spouse, try to understand what you will be getting into. MAKE an effort to understand. Be compassionate!