Top Five Reasons to Vote for Will Smith in the 2008 Elections

Top Five Reasons to Vote Will Smith in '08

Is the only reason you'll be voting for Giuliani in '08 because he's "The only Republican candidate who can beat Hillary Clinton"?

Will you cast your vote for Hillary because she's pretty much already beaten Giuliani anyway?

Does the idea of voting for anyone, ANYONE even remotely related to Dick Cheney repulse you?

And can you just not picture yourself referring to our Commander-in-Chief as "President Huckabee" for the next four years?

Then join me, dear readers, in my quest to nominate a real man for the 2008 campaign: Mr. Will Smith.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering why we should nominate a non-Austrian actor for such a prestigious political position. Well, Willard Christopher Smith Jr. is more than what we see on the theater screen. When it comes to the White House, I believe he will do nothing less than match what he has already accomplished in his nearly forty years of life - and that includes saving former President Ulysses S. Grant from Kenneth Branagh's thespian-driven lunacies. Thus, I present to you, the reader, the top five reasons to vote Smith in 2008.

5. Will Smith Can Ride a Horse

Not since Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt has a Presidential candidate been so proficient in equestrianism. For those who don't remember, Roosevelt organized and helped command the "Rough Riders," one of only three U.S. cavalry units to see action during the Spanish-American War. Thanks in part to Roosevelt, the conflict only lasted five months.

Smith tops Roosevelt on almost every level. While Roosevelt had a whole cavalry unit to help him, Smith had only his wimpy sidekick Kevin Kline (a man who did such a bad job as President he had to replace himself). And yet, Smith managed to save the entire United States in less than two hours - besting Roosevelt by a whole 4 months, 28 days and 22 hours. Beat that, Giuliani.

4. Will Smith Can Sing the National Anthem (And Make It Sound Sexy)