My Super Secret Water Conservation Plan

With no foreseeable end to the drought in the southeastern United States, the time has come for all Southerners to take drastic water conservation measures. Many people around Atlanta will be switching to low flow toilets and shower heads. But, that is a meek and mild response to a major drought. I'll let you in on my super secret water conservation plan.

First, I'm going to switch to using my old electric shaver full time. Right now, it's good for a quick shave when I'm running late. But, since it doesn't use water, I can use it more often. Hopefully, my bosses won't mind if I sport the "Miami Vice" stubble look popularized by Don Johnson. To complete the look I may also need to make the switch to white suits and pastel tee shirts. My co-workers and supervisors need to know my unshaven look has a purpose; it's not some kind of relapse. Really.

Second, I plan to stop taking showers. I don't think I'll miss them much. Since I'm not a metro sexual, I'm really not concerned about my hair. If it gets too bad, I'll just wear a baseball cap. Another reason for skipping showers is that I simply don't get dirty at work. I work in an office. My idea of heavy lifting consists of loading a ream of paper into the laser printer. Most of my coworkers should also be able to go without showers for the duration of this drought. If anything, this simple step should make us much more efficient. At least our meetings will be infrequent and short. However, when we do meet, we'll probably want to book a large conference room so that we can spread out. However, with any luck, our bosses will ask us all to work from home.

Telecommuting will play right into the third step of my secret plan. Since we will be working from home, we won't have to do laundry very often. We should be able to do most of our work naked. People who sit in front of their computers all day simply don't need clothes. If you don't believe me, just check out Craiglist. Besides, we can teleconference in the nude. As long as no one has a web cam, we should be just fine. We can just keep one set of clean clothes for those odd days when we really do need to come into the office.