So You Are a Stepparent, Eh?

So you are a step parent ehh?? Looking for answers on how to bond with your spouses child? How to connect to a child you are just getting to know? Maybe some discipline concerns? Well, I am a step parent and while I do NOT have ALL the answers, I may be able to shed some light on this difficult subject.
Bonding.... It means to form a connection, a link between this child who is new in your life and yourself, and for him/her this may be very difficult. Whether your stepchild is 2 months old or 20 years old this can be at best a difficult and massive undertaking. But, don't be discouraged, it is currently one of the most rewarding relationships that I have with any of my children. It takes alot of time, effort, and hard work on both sides. An understanding of the child and his/her feelings is VERY important.

While your stepchild may "like" or even love you they may feel as though they are betraying their birth parent in doing so. The bond between parent and child is a primal one, perhaps even instinctive, and a child's loyalty to their birth parent can be extremely strong. To prevent this loyalty from hampering your new relationship from growing into the wonderful closeness that it can be be sure that you never challenge that loyalty. If a child believes that a) you are trying to take the place of their parent or b) that you disapprove of or dislike their parent they are immediately going to be put "on the defensive" and you may be regarded as the enemy. Perhaps not consciously, but unconsciously they may resent you or feel like you are are trying to destroy the bond between them and their birth parent. The key is to become their friend and give unconditional love.