Coping with Infidelity and Divorce

Until six years ago I thought that all divorces were basically, very similar in nature. I found out differently when I went through my own divorce. There are differing types of divorce and each one has it's own emotional and psychological intensity. There is the bilateral agreement divorce where both spouses are unhappy and conclude that they will be happier being apart. In a divorce like this the couple is often able to come to a mutual agreement and settle their affairs amicably and stay connected as friends with little emotional upset.

Then there is the unilateral divorce where one spouse makes the decision to divorce to the utter shock of the other spouse. This type of divorce means more emotional and psychological intensity for the spouse who was unaware of the problems in the marriage. The one choosing to leave has had time to think about, reflect upon and weigh the options and to emotionally detach themselves from the marriage while the other spouse is caught by surprise, is normally mistreated and left to feel abandoned. There is a huge imbalance of power with the one leaving being the one in control of all aspects of whether or not the marriage will continue.

Add to this a third party, another woman or another man and the emotional intensity is compounded. Not only will the left behind spouse feel abandoned but he or she will also feel replaced by someone better, younger, more attractive. The pain in this type of divorce comes from losing a position of importance in the life of a spouse, from beliefs about immorality, betrayal and feelings of failure as a spouse.

When a third party enters a marriage and a spouse in that marriage becomes romantically involved with this person certain psychological things start to happen in the mind of the unfaithful spouse in order to justify their actions.