Why I Don't Own a Front-Loading Washer: A Tongue-in-Cheek Diatribe
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Disclaimer: In reality, I like both types of washing machines; and so, all you fine, front-loadin' folks, rest assured I penned the below piece largely in an ironic spirit of good clean fun. (And who Prefatory remark: My title vaguely alludes to the old Connie Stevens number-one tune from my childhood (1961).
I blush to confess this, but a long, long time ago when I was a confused little boy, I secretly admired the look of those exotic front-loading washing machines. That porthole view of the hypnotically revolving tub; that European cachet; and the paucity of such washers in ordinary Americans' homes-- all these things figured into my naive admiration for that captivating configuration I generally only got to behold in certain Laundromats or movies. In short, back then I figured weekend domesticity would be pretty swell once I could own such a cool machine myself, someday.
Ironically, "someday" arrived decades ago, yet I still don't own a front-loader, even though such washers have finally become about as trendy as iPods and camera phones. So, how is it that I belatedly saw the light and have steadfastly declined to clamber aboard the (front-loading) bandwagon? Let me count the reasons I don't own a front-loader.
1. Pain. You've got to bend forward (rather low) to load the average front-loader. This is annoying.
2. More pain. You've got to bend forward (rather low) to unload a front-loader. [This is a bit repetitious, isn't it?]
3. Air pollution. Bending forward is not only annoying but also embarrassing if anyone's nearby when you unintentionally toot.
4. Noise pollution. (See #3.)
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Posted on 12/06/2007 at 11:12:00 AM
Veronica Davidson
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Posted on 12/06/2007 at 5:12:00 AM