Wedding Etiquette: Should Your Wedding Gift Cover the Cost of Your Meal?

Determining the Cost of Your Wedding Gift

By Jody Morse, published Nov 09, 2007
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When trying to determine how much money should be given as a wedding gift, most people try to cover the cost of their plate at the wedding reception, and maybe then some. This is often looked at as proper wedding etiquette. The main reason that people do this is to help the newlyweds out, so that they do not begin their marriage in debt from the cost of the wedding. Is covering for the entire cost of your meal in the wedding gift really necessary? This article takes a closer examination of whether or not you should offer a wedding gift which covers the entire cost of your wedding plate.

Determining the Cost of a Wedding Gift Tip #1: How Close Are You to the Bride and Groom?

If you are a close friend or family member, there is a good chance that you will feel more obligated to cover the total cost of the plate. This is very understandable. Ultimately, it makes sense that someone who is closer to the bride and groom should want to give a wedding gift of more money than someone who is not so close. Someone who is closer is more likely to know about any financial struggles that the bride and groom may be going through in order to pay for their wedding. At the same time, if you cannot afford to cover the entire cost of the wedding reception plate, the bride and groom are more likely to understand this if you are close to them. Although how close you are a couple may affect how much money you decide to give as a wedding gift, it is important to take other factors into consideration.

Determining the Cost of a Wedding Gift Tip #2: Do You Know the Cost of the Meal?

Before you are able to decide if you want to cover the entire cost of the meal, the most important thing that you will need to take into consideration is whether or not you know the cost of the meal. If the couple has mentioned how much they will be spending, then there is a good chance that you may have a rough idea of how much your meal at the wedding reception is going to cost. If you know how much the price of the meal is, there is a good chance that you may feel more obligated to cover it in its entirety.

 
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I really wish weddings were more affordable for everyone: bride/groom and the guests. We need to rethink our idea of what makes a wedding a "special day" and then we can focus on visiting friends and celebrating the couple. Then gifts can be about what the couple will like and not about a registry gift that costs x amount of money. Luckily a number of younger people are speaking out against the wedding-guest-debt, which can be thousands of dollars a summer -- for multiple summers!

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Posted on 01/28/2008 at 1:01:45 PM

 
Great article, I must admit I always give more if the wedding is at a nice place. I try to at least cover the cost of my plate, as I do agree this is proper. Thanks for the thoughtful article!

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Posted on 11/19/2007 at 11:11:00 AM

 
Another well written, insightful article chalk full of solid tips.

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Posted on 11/12/2007 at 6:11:00 PM

 
I never know how much to spend, especially when the couple are not that close to me. Thanks for the advice.

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Posted on 11/12/2007 at 3:11:00 PM

 
Thank your addressing this. Carol did raise a good point. I don't know why covering the cost of the plate ever became the standard in wedding gifts. Thank you both for pointing out that that is not the point, and that there are other things to consider.

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Posted on 11/10/2007 at 6:11:00 PM

 
Very interesting.

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Posted on 11/10/2007 at 4:11:00 PM

 
I also agree with Carol. We try to do our best. If it is someone close the rule is more. God Child is always more. Relatives are always more. But, you know in this day and age it is sometimes hard to be able to give more. Sometimes we just don't go to for the meal, we write and say that we will be there after the meal as we live on a farm. And then we are able to give a nice amount. A nice homemade quilt or gift is also very nice. Great tips. Thank you for sharing. Hugs Mary

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Posted on 11/10/2007 at 11:11:00 AM

 
I have to agree with Carol about this. It does seem like it's a repayment of sorts rather than a gift celebrating a couple's marriage. Sophie

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Posted on 11/10/2007 at 3:11:00 AM

 
Excellent article. I try to cover the cost of the meal, but it's hard to judge sometimes. I had someone who was upset because their kids weren't invited to my wedding reception. No kids were invited because of the expense. In an effort to make them happy, and after asking them to bring their kids, they all showed up and didn't give us anything at all. It's the thought that counts, so I would have been happy knowing they cared enough to give something - even a simple candle. You can't please everyone, that's for sure. They really had a lot of nerve.

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 8:11:00 PM

 
Fantastic article Jody. What a creative choice of topic and you covered it perfectly. Great Job!

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 8:11:00 PM

 
This is a great topic and something that we have struggled with in the past, especially because in NJ things are so expensive. It is not uncommon for weddings to be $100/person, which would mean a $200 gift to cover both of us. We just try to give what we can afford. I know personally, I would not have wanted people to not attend our wedding because they felt bad not being able to give a gift that matched the cost of the dinner. I think that the important thing should be that you are able to celebrate with your family and friends and that the gift you give comes from your heart.

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 7:11:00 PM

 
Interesting topic. I think each person should cover the cost of the meal if possible. Great article!

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 7:11:00 PM

 
I have not seen this topic covered before. Great job! I think that each guest should give more than the dinner is worth definately. In most cases it is supposed to be the bride's parents which pay for the wedding, but the trend seems to be that the couple themselves are paying the lion's share of the cost. I always try to give enough to help towards the couples honeymoon as well, but of course, it depends on the situation.

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 6:11:00 PM

 
Great topic! I always give the same amount as a wedding gift. If I am especially close to the bride and groom, I will add a sentimental gift along with the check. I think everyone should give what is comfortable for them to give. It is not truly a gift if you can't afford the amount needed to cover your plate will cause you financial stress. No bride and groom would want their guests to experience that simply to recieve a bigger check...I hope!! :)

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 6:11:00 PM

 
Thanks for the comments! Yes, M2L, that's how most people look at it nowadays, unfortunately! I agree with you, Carol. It really takes away from the spirit of gift giving.

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Posted on 11/09/2007 at 5:11:00 PM

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