Thanks for the Memories... Not

According to a new study, we as a nation are not remembering basic information like we used to. Simple things like telephone numbers, birthdays and anniversaries aren't being stored in our own heads anymore. Apparently, we are relying more on our mobile phones and computers for "life's petty information."

Sure, I use my computers more these days for this stuff, but I think these studies are overblown. Instead of knowing everyone's phone numbers, I'm trying very hard to remember more important information like the name of the group that sang "Too Shy" from the early 1980s.

Upon receiving news of this medical study, I got a call from my Aunt Rose from Solvang, Calif.

"Bobby, did you see this study?" she said.

"No, I'm not really up on that," I replied, keying her phone number into my daughter's cellphone.

"It says here even kids are not remembering their own home phone numbers," she said, reading verbatim from the newspaper. "That's dangerous, Bobby. You and your whole family need to get off your computers and cellphones and take Memory Boost 2000. After you do that, you need to do mental exercises."

"Aunty Rose, I know you mean well, but you still aren't going to sell me on taking those herbal cures from the Middle Ages," I said.

"No, this one is different. I know you have a place called Seeds and Weeds right around the corner from you," she said. "Memory Boost doesn't cost that much. Go out and get it. I'll even pay for it. I'm concerned about you because I love you."

"I love you, too, Aunt Rose, and that's really sweet, but . . ." I got out before she interrupted.

For the next 45 minutes, I was treated to a lecture on eliminating electronics, meat, the sun, pesticides, noise, propane gas and just about everything else that comes into contact with me. Instead, I should takes vitamins and herbs and buy organic. Sometimes I think Tom Cruise would be a better nephew.