Raising a Blended Family of 9 Kids

My husband proudly announces that he has 9 kids to every "Dick and Jane" in this planet. People look at me in disbelief waiting for a punch line. Their eyes widen. Their jaws drop. They look at me from head to toe. I count silently 1...2...3...4...5...and they ask the inevitable question, "Are they all yours?".

Technically, I know what they mean when they ask that question. But, the truth is, my husband and I have forgotten that some of the kids are his, and some are mine. Ever since we got married, I committed to our Lord to raise these children as my own. We can't even bring ourselves to call them "stepchildren".

Raising a blended family is a "call" from God. And, He threw the ball back on my court to "accept" it or "reject" it. Guess what? I almost rejected God's offer. I was scared of the implicit sacrifices of raising a large family. My shortcomings will not permit me to be a worthy mother of these children. I swiftly sought God's will in the Blessed Sacrament for I need to convince God that it just can't be.

"It can't be.", I repeatedly told Him. I hate cooking, what more cooking for 9 children ranging from 13 months to 18 years old. I yearn for everything classy around me so I can show-off to my friends my successes in life. What about my plans to take my PH.D.? I don't intend to be a stay-at-home Mom. My parents will frown on this for they raised me to be career-oriented and self-supporting. What about working hard for a considerable retirement and the Europe trip I plan to take before I reach 45? I don't want to short change my two biological sons and spread thin in attending to their needs. Why would I solve deep-rooted problems of another mother who failed as a parent? I want peace not children screaming on top of their lungs for attention over some taddle tale issue.

I deserve a better life. Period.

See? I am no different from all you ladies. I desire an above-average, comfortable life. Don't we all wish to be more in control of our future?

But, what made me make a 360 degree turn in my way of thinking?