Tampa Bay Devil Rays Become Less Satanic, Drop 'Devil'

The team formerly known as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays thinks their fans are idiots. I can say this with absolute certainty. After a season where the team managed their ninth last place finish in ten tries, they want everyone to see they're improving. They have made their uniforms better. Apparently they are in agreement with the analysis ( I think by Jerry Seinfeld) that in the days of free agents, fans are just rooting for the clothes. Obviously, people will have to come out in droves to their amusement park of a stadium, just to see these sexy blue numbers in action!

They also made the stunning revelation that they were dropping The Devil. And after the first ten years, people are likely asking why they waited so long. Since they came into the league, TB has shown no sign of ever becoming good. One assumes that Satan will not be dropping them as quickly. The apparent reason for the name slicing is that people called them the 'Rays' anyway. That doesn't make sense, really. People call Them 'The Yanks' and 'The Bombers', but they keep their dorky name anyway.

Is it some sort of reaction to being associated with The Lord of the Underworld? Do you think principal owner Stuart Sternberg says 'H-E-double hockey sticks'? I honestly don't understand why the franchise needed a name change. At least on the front of the jersey. In the interest of getting on with it, I will accept that the name needed changing.

But why just to The Rays? If it was to incorporate all other of those awesome, flat fish, I think it'd be cool. A devil ray was pretty specific. Manta rays have been known to smash fishing boats by jumping out of the water, so they're pretty sweet, too. But no. The previously mentioned Sternberg says its got something to do with light beams. Like lasers? Well I guess that's pretty cool. Hmm? It's not lasers? It's the sun? Lame. Not to be outdone by Lameness, Irony steps in. Irony wryly points out that the Rays of Sun Light play in a domed stadium. Do fluorescent bulbs really give off 'rays'?