Silly Signs Signify Sick Simpleton Saps

SILLY SICK SIGNS!

When I'm not busy writing, editing, and terrorizing police officers with my bird Chico (See Image 4), I drive around town in search of.... Adventure?

As a chosen object of scrutiny in these recent weeks, I've been looking at the signs and billboards that pollute our streets and parking lots. In recent weeks my editorial eye has spotted a few beauties, and I wanted to share them with you.

While some of these signs may demonstrate bad grammar, bad logic - and in some cases - really bad taste, some of them are the hapless communicators of a delightfully sick sense of humor. Sadly, the folks who threw these suckers together probably weren't aware of what madness they were instigating.

I'll begin with my first and favorite sign:

"TREAT PEOPLE BETTER" (See IMAGE 1)

When I first saw this billboard advertisement for a local hospital service provider, I had to bust out laughing immediately. I was utterly thrilled at how obviously sick this was. The original intention here was to tout a (scientifically unverifiable) superior sense of "warm fuzziness" that this hospital's staff has over others. What that made me laugh at this were two things:

1) Look at this billboard and say the words out loud with a New York accent. How sincere does that sound? If that doesn't do it, then...

2) Look at the logic. The original text probably said,

"Yeah, we used to treat people like crap before, slap 'em around a little to show 'em who's boss. But lately - out of the kindness of our hearts - we decided to treat people better."

Now say it all again with that New York accent, and you've got a winner. Utterly sick, I just love it...

"THIS PROPERTY PROTECTED BY SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS" (See IMAGE 2)

I'm sorry folks, but I didn't see any surveillance cameras goose-stepping around in the parking lot sporting any machine guns. That the property owners hired an idiot to author this sign - let alone post it - makes ya wonder how many brains cells they have left to rub together upstairs.

"EAT HERE & GET GAS" (See IMAGE 3)

"Yeah, we used to treat people like crap before, slap 'em around a little to show 'em who's boss. But lately - out of the kindness of our hearts - we decided to treat people better."

Credit: J. Melendez

Copyright: J. Melendez