Barry Bonds is a Foul Ball of a Human Being

Right off the top of my naturally sized head, I feel strongly there are three acts a human being should NEVER commit. Firstly, never don a pair of blood soaked shorts before taking a few relaxing laps inside a shark tank. Secondly, NEVER dare to compete with George W. Bush in "the World's Dumbest Man" competition and think for one second you have a snowball's chance in hell of emerging victorious.

Lastly but certainly not least, NEVER lie under oath whilst answering a few questions before federal prosecutors. Especially when said prosecutors guarantee you full and absolute immunity against self incrimination. Barry, I would urge you to read number three again. This time, read it slowly and carefully while allowing the text to seep into your enlarged melon of a chemically altered cranium.

Barry Bonds, major league baseball's farcical all time home run king, was indicted earlier this week on five felony charges. Four of the five charges were for perjury and the fifth for obstruction of justice. All five offenses occurred while Bonds was testifying before a federal grand jury in 2003 that he never used anabolic steroids or a human growth hormone.

The indictments were filed 100 days after Mr. Bonds passed Hank Aaron, the peoples all time home run leader. The indictment capped a four-year federal investigation into steroid use by elite athletes. Mr. Bonds has long been considered the primary target of the investigation. Seven others have pleaded guilty in the case, most recently the former Olympic sprinter Marion Jones.