What Not to Ask Adoptive Parents

You'll Get the Answers Here Without Having to Intrude or Offend

"Are you going to have children of your own?"

This question is insulting to my "own" children who happen to be adopted. They are my own children and I am their own Mommy. Perhaps people really mean to ask if we will have biological children? Can never be sure. How about you?

"Do you know about his "real" parents?"

My husband and I are his "real" parents. We've cleaned up his vomit, wiped his bottom, taught him his ABC's and his manners, saved for his college and splurged for his birthdays. We are as real as it gets. If you mean, do we know about his biological parents, the answer is yes but that is my child's private business. Leave it alone and I won't ask about your uncle so and so or your first cousin the such and such.

"How could her Mom give her up?"

Actually I am her Mom and I didn't but her birthmother "placed" her for adoption so that she would have a Mom and a Dad that were ready and willing to put her needs first. She was not being selfish. She was being unselfish because she realized that she could not do this for her birthchild.

"You couldn't possibly love an adopted child the way we love our children. How could you know because you haven't given birth."

You're right, that I haven't given birth. Obviously you haven't adopted. We couldn't love these children more if I had pushed them through my nose.

"Is it possible that your children could be bi-racial?"

Most definitely. Especially if we trace their roots all the way back to Noah.

As an adoptive Mom, I am honestly happy to answer any question in which one is trying to open their minds. Although our children know that they are adopted and we are extremely open with them in talking about their adoptions, please don't ask these questions in front of my children. In some cases it is boring because they've heard it many times but in others it is offensive.

George Burns, who fathered both biological and adopted children, was once asked which of his children were adopted. I loved his response,"I forget." Burns was of course known for his quick wit but this is truly how adoptive parents feel.