A Satire of the Abortion Ban in South Dakota

This is satire only and any names or resemblance to any real person, living or dead, except for Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, is coincidental and unintentional.

MENSTRUATING WOMEN CAN BE CHARGED WITH MURDER

(Sioux Falls, SD)

April 12th, 2011


Following the introduction of a new law passed last month, in South Dakota, outlawing menstruation on the basis that it "kills innocent babies," all South Dakota women were ordered to have sexual relations with their husbands, boyfriends, or male friends/acquaintances, or go to sperm banks to ensure fertilization of their next egg to be released. Failure to do so could result in a fine of up to $100,000 plus up to 45 years in prison.

"So many eggs... that have the potential to become human beings, are being flushed down the toilet or absorbed in sanitary napkins every month," said recently elected South Dakota Governor, Jerry Falwell. "It disgusts me that so many babies are being killed every month. Imagine that your 25-year-old daughter has been getting her period for 14 years. That's 168 babies - at least, assuming that only one egg was released per month - being tragically killed. This cannot go on. God will not stand for it. In fact, His purpose for making women menstruate is so they can see the blood of these poor babies being passed into the toilet."

South Dakota women were given a month in which to get their latest egg or eggs fertilized, or face murder charges.

"A month is more than ample time," said Falwell. "If you can't find a way to fertilize that egg in that amount of time, then you're a murderer - plain and simple."

The passing of the new law was met with outrage when pro-choice groups demanded to know why their daughters, some as young as ten, had to get pregnant.

"I don't want my ten-year-old daughter to have to get pregnant already," said a Sioux Falls mother, whose daughter just got her first period in February. "No kid that age should have to carry a baby around for nine months. It's bad enough this new law will require her to do it every year until menopause."