Resolving the Cinderella Complex in Step-Families

In the United States, it has become commonplace to find a family that is blended. In fact, with the divorce rate at significantly high numbers, it is not uncommon to find a child as part of a stepfamily arrangement and then, as an adult, become a step-parent themselves.

For young girls and women, the issues of blended families, and the creation of step-families, pose a unique challenge. Even in the 21^st century, many blended families that include young girls often create this psychological challenge known as the "Cinderella complex". Believing the step-mother is evil, wicked and jealous of her step-daughters, many blended families find the relationship between a step-mother and a step-daughter to be the most challenging of all.

If you are considering the creation of a blended family and will become the step-mother to both young boys as well as young girls, it si important to find ways in which to destroy the Cinderella complex the children may carry as well as their natural or biological mother. Because the children of your husband may feel you are a threat to their family roles, it is important to define what your role will be and then to stay within that boundary.

One of the primary factors that break down this Cinderella complex within stepfamilies is the presence of communication. When communication is open and strong, many stepmothers report they are more involved, successfully, in the relationships with their stepchildren. Within communication, though, there must be a positive method by which conflict is resolved. For many women, using family therapy, marriage counseling and support groups often aids in finding ways to not only communicate but also to manage conflict resolution effectively.

Quality time as a family is also important. If, as the stepmother, you are perceived as pulling your husband away from his children, or allowing yourself to keep a distance from the children when they are with their father, this may send a message of disconnection. Therefore, building relationships by doing family activities is also important.