Emotional Abuse: Learning to Rebuild Your Self Esteem

Learning to rebuild your self-esteem may be one the hardest things you will ever have to do. At times, it may seem futile. You may find that you take only a few steps forward and many back. Just remember that the damage was not done overnight, so neither will the recovery!

The first step in rebuilding is to separate yourself from your abuser as much as possible. Depending on your circumstances, this can be accomplished 100% or only as little as 10%. If you are in a relationship with no other ties - children - then it can be a much cleaner break. If you were married to your abuser AND have children, you will find it to be a daily struggle. Hopefully, your children will give you the willpower and determination to not give up.

You need to be prepared for the fact that your determination to be free from your abuser will be met with extreme resistance. The abuser does not want to lose their daily fix. This is what you are to them. They are like a drug addict and you are their cocaine. The sad thing is that they may not realize that this is what is really going on. It is possible if they were a victim of abuse themselves.

It is important to put as much distance between you and your abuser, whether in actual miles, or by limited contact. If you can only do this by limiting the contact, take it a step further to make it email conversations only, except in cases of absolute necessity. This will most likely be the case if you are sharing custody. If you have not set up your divorce agreement, make sure that you include this. If necessary, get a protection order. It will keep them from thinking that they can enter your home or confront you in public whenever they please.

Set up a tape recorder on your phone, and make sure that the abuser is aware of this fact. If you have Caller ID, you will know when to use the recording phone. Make sure that you check with your local law agency as to the legalities of this.