Orpheus and Eurydice in Hell

Once upon a sunny day, Orpheus, who was a fabulous musician and part god (on his mother's side), met the beautiful Eurydice. He played his lyre so darn sweetly that Eurydice fell madly in love with him, and he with her, because she was so gorgeous. Well, they soon dashed off into the foliage and fooled around (I don't know what the deal was with those mythic types, but they were always running off into the greenery together-for which Sigmund Freud must be eternally grateful. But I digress).

To continue: Orpheus and Eurydice got hitched, and were on their rustic honeymoon, sharing a post-whoopee cigarette, when poor Eurydice was bitten by a venomous snake she was stroking because she mistook it for her husband's lyre (she wasn't very bright, and besides, she was a little near-sighted), and died Instantly. She was immediately zipped off to Hell by Pluto, the King of the Underworld, who'd noticed that Eurydice was One Hot Babe, and wanted to get to know her better, in the Biblical sense.

Well, Orpheus pined away until he couldn't play his instrument anymore. In despair, he traveled to the Land of the Dead and begged Pluto to let Eurydice return. To persuade him, Orpheus played his lyre so seductively that he woke up all the spaced-out Deadheads camped in vans down there, waiting for the next concert. They passed around a joint and took a vote (Hell was a constitutional monarchy in those days), and Eurydice was thereupon released to Orpheus on the condition that he lead her back into the world without ever looking behind him to see if she was following.

Unfortunately, Orpheus was so stoned from the primo pot that he only managed to remember the warning until he was almost to the surface. Just before he reached the Land of the Living, he forgot, and looked back. Eurydice whispered, "Hasta la vista, baby," and disappeared.