Pluto, Persephone and Big Mama Work it Out

You remember Pluto, the randy, lonely Lord of the Underworld and King of the Multitudinous Dead? Well, his wife was named Persephone (Pluto had a thing for girls with four-syllable names), Maiden of the Spring. Her mother was Demeter, Goddess of the Corn (the kind you eat) and the Harvest. Anyway, one day, while she was still unattached, Persephone strayed away from her pals and was tripping through the Narcissuses, admiring their bloom-as spring maidens are wont to do-when Pluto burst through a chasm in the earth on his chariot drawn by black steeds, and bore her away to Hades to dally with (poor Pluto had to resort to extraordinary measures to get any nookie); where he then did the honorable thing and married her.

Demeter heard her daughter's screams (she was an awesome screamer), and for nine days she wandered, not eating, until she came to the Sun, who told her what had happened to Persephone. Well, the poor lady was devastated, since she and her daughter were really, really close (this is a myth, after all).

Demeter left Mt. Olympus and wandered among the Mortals. In the town of Eleusis, she hung out by a well, where four sisters saw her and asked why she was moping. She lied that she had fled from pirates who intended to sell her as a slave, and that she knew no one to go to for help. They took pity on her, and got permission from their mother Metaneira for her to stay at their house for a while. To repay them for their hospitality, Demeter nursed Celeus, the young son of Metaneira, with special Goddess Milk, and anointed him with ambrosia, which was supposed to turn him into a god. At night, she secretly placed him in the red heart of the household fire to give him Immortal youth.