The Mathematics of Dating: Applying Game Theory to Win a Spouse

The more people a player dates, the more likely they are to find their Best Possible Mate. In fact, if a player were to date every single other player before making or accepting a proposal, that player would have, without a doubt, met their Best Possible Mate (They also would have met their Worst Possible Mate, and everyone in between). They could then list every person they dated in the order that they would choose to marry them. Their favorite choice would be first, their second choice second, and so on... with the "just okay, barely above my standards" people at the bottom of the list, and the people that fell below their standards not on their list at all.

Of course, no one can date everyone, that's just impractical. We'll deal with that in a minute. First, let's make some notation.

Let's say Mary has dated 10 people that met or exceeded her standards. She can then, through thoughtful introspection and consulting with her heart, decide which one is her favorite amongst them. Let's call him "Mary's M₁", for "Mate Choice 1." Her second choice will be called "Mary's M₂," and so on and so forth.

Remember, Mary's goal is to marry the best mate she can. As of now, her best choice is M₁. If she wants to find someone better than M₁, she's going to have to date more people. In fact, the more people she dates, the better chance she has at finding a new, better M₁. Furthermore, the more people she dates, the longer her list will get, and the more "backups" she will have in case her M₁ doesn't marry her. So, at first, Mary's best strategy - and in fact all players' best strategy - seems to be "date as many people as I can, then propose to M₁. If M₁ rejects me, propose to M₂, and so on."

But there is a problem with this. Though dating as many people as possible is the best strategy for meeting the best mate, it is not necessarily the best strategy for marrying the best mate. After all, let's say Mary found her M₁ on date#10, and at that time her M₁ decided that Mary was his M₁ too - a match made in heaven. Let's further say that Mary went off and continued dating many other people just to see if there was anyone better - and found no one better. The problem, then, is that her M₁ may not take her back - being hurt that she dumped him to go on dating other people.

You see, on date #10, when Mary finds her new M₁ - her favorite man yet - she has to make a decision. She has to decide weather to continue searching - in hopes of finding yet a better man - or to settle and propose to this one - and wonder for the rest of her life if there could have been someone better for her. How does she know what decision to make?