The Bruce Needs Some Red Bull in His Diet, but Will it Help?

It’s official: The Bruce (Arena, that is) is the head coach of the New York Red Bulls of Major League Soccer. Apparently Arena needs some Red Bull in his diet, though it probably tastes like carbonated Amoxicillin at the moment, with a weird aftertaste. That’s because it takes time to get accustomed, to put your stamp on a team and to do the things you want to do. For Arena, the job is kind of like being offered a Tab instead of a Coke. The kick and caffeine is still there, but the sting of getting your butt kicked in Germany remains. And the Red Bulls roster is filled with Tab-like players at the moment. What the change in head coaches means to Red Bull fans is unclear, though The Bruce had few positive words to say about the team in his press conference, repeatedly referring to the process as one that would take “time to build.”

He did not say rebuilding, which may mean the pieces come by way of ridiculously expensive sign-and-trades or well-constructed player/personnel moves. Of course this now means we can let the speculation fly, such as looking at headlines like “Ronaldo to Red Bulls for end to hunger in Brazil, $200 million and a lifetime supply of Marlboro?” (What? Did you think he’d do it for Red Bull?) Gagging sound added. Will it happen? Well, in not so many words, it could. I’m sure Arena could use a few Red Bull shooters (no pun intended, or maybe it was). Not too long ago (and I’m damned certain Cosmos fans remember full well their mark on the old North American Soccer League) there once was a man named Pele (or Edson Arantes do Nascimento, for all you Almanac/fact-seeking schmucks) whose mere mention literally started an international incident when the old Cosmos started inquiring about big names around the globe, including his.