Reality TV: Electronic Heroine

There are times when I seriously wonder if I need a psychiatric evaluation. I tend to think I have more issues than Playboy. I say this because I often fantasize about doing certain things to certain people I see on television. I get an enormous sense of pleasure from these thoughts, and I have come to realize that I am indirectly lashing out against a blatant attempt at mind-control by various network "kingpins". Let me give you a few examples of what I mean. Perhaps you guys and gals have felt these urges as well.

No kingpin is more capable of altering your mental or physical state when they're on television than President George W. Bush. Think about it. Nine times out of ten, you're either scratching your head trying to figure out what the hell he just said, or you become so emotional over his policies and/or initiatives that you literally shake. Whenever I see him on the tube giving some moronic speech, I imagine running up to the podium and mushing him in the face with a pie made of rotted cheese and eggs. I don't mean some light-hearted mush either. I mean the type of mush that makes your neck and whole body jerk backward. Call it a mush with conviction. Then, doing my best Gilbert Gottfried impersonation, I'd yell, "There's your piece of the tax cut pie ‘Georgie Boy!'" I'm sorry, but the man just irritates me to no end. I'd rather watch reruns of that awfully hideous Kathie Lee Gifford movie that premiered on E! years ago. It was so bad I can't even remember the title. Nor do I want to. Someone pass me a barf bag. Kelly Ripa rocks!