Guys, Invest in a Nice Bit of Hardware This Christmas: A Watch

So, there you are at the gym when the guy standing next to you reaches for his locker and you see it - a chunky watch the size of a dinner plate, chrome sparkling and bristling with buttons. But don't go jumping to conclusions; it doesn't necessarily mean he's a professional sportsman or the rugged outdoors type, you know the kind who spends weekends scaling mountains and thrashing around in rivers. That's just what he'd like you to think. His timepiece may be fully operational in deep space, but the chances are it hasn't encountered anything more dangerous than a bit of wayward dishwater.

Jewellery for men has had its day; it's now a contradiction in terms, something only worn by game show hosts and men who wear shoes with tassels and drive white open-top Mercedes. No, Noughties fashion is all about understatement, so just how is a man supposed to show off how well he is doing without being vulgar? The answer is by wearing an expensive watch - it is one way of quietly brandishing your wealth. Like wearing an old school tie, it is something only recognisable by other "club" members and they are the only people that matter.

Is the man sitting next to you a mild mannered snob, a suave man of action, or simply trying to impress? Checking out what he's got up his sleeve will tell you everything you need to know. Mothers used to tell their daughters to look at a man's shoes if they wanted to find out more about him. Nowadays, examining his timepiece is a much surer way of finding out a man's worth.

For instance, if the man sitting next to you is wearing a watch bearing the name Audemars Piguet, congratulations - he's probably a millionaire. This is a watch which means business: Audemars Piguet are the creme de la creme of watchmakers and their pieces command telephone-number prices. For example, at Watches of Switzerland in Knightsbridge, west London, a unique Audemars Piguet "Grande Compilation" will set you back over £300,000.