Renewing Your Child's Faith in Love and Marriage

"I'm never getting married! Most marriages don't work," my stepson Adam said to his father and me one day as we shared some quiet family time at home. Although I knew he didn't mean the first half of his statement (Adam is about as family-oriented as they come), I could tell by his closing remark that he was doubtful of his ability to create a lasting marriage. However, the mere fact that Adam is a child of parents who are now divorced made it difficult for my husband and I to come up with a good counterargument right on the spot.

My first inclination was to become defensive. "Well your father and I are happy!" I proclaimed, feeling almost slighted by his remark. But what I couldn't see right away was that Adam wasn't looking at the success of his parents' marriages with their current spouses. He was looking at the failure of their marriage to one another, and the many similar examples that exist in society today.

After taking time to gather my thoughts and reflect on this, I concluded that there are some things that divorced parents can perhaps say, do or avoid in order to reduce the likelihood that their children will develop a negative view of holy matrimony.

Never blame the other parent for the divorce.

Even if you believe that your ex was the sole cause of your marriage's demise, the reality is that you chose to marry him or her, so you played a role in the outcome. It usually takes two to make or break a relationship. If your children are old enough to understand, you may want to offer some general perspectives on why your marriage didn't work. Statements such as "We married young and were both too immature to understand how serious marriage is," or "We didn't try hard enough to make our marriage work" give your children food for thought and may even stimulate dialogue from which they can learn how to make wise decisions about relationships and marriage later on in life.

Counter unrealistic media portrayals of marriage with heart-to-heart discussions.