How to Get Extreme Makeover Home Edition to Fix Your Home

In order to get the folks at Extreme Makeover Home Edition to fix up your messed-up bomb-shell of a house, you will need to send in a sappy video to impress reality-TV producers. Things to include on this videotape are tales of woe, including at least one (if not all of the following): a dead spouse, loads of freeloading children and the essential ability to cry at the drop of a hat. These are requirements that should be met if you really want to get your home renovated by the Extreme Makeover Home Edition team.

First, make a teary, overly emotional video-tape (preferably with sobbing kids either side of you on a pee-stained couch) and submit it to the teary-eyed folks at Extreme Makeover Home Edition. This video is going to have to contain a sob story of some description in order to give you a decent chance of home-fix heaven. It is preferable to have as many kids as possible and a spouse, who, if not dead, is as close to the hereafter as possible. If your spouse is still living, you might like to think about ridding yourself of their useless ass in an effort to bring this scenario to fruition.

Next, you should have one of your children fail in school or at least have a learning disorder of some kind. One of the more difficult tasks may be to try and rally your neighborhood behind you to the point that they're not going to hate your guts for getting a free home makeover while they are still stuck living in their respective shit-holes. Yes well, good luck with that. Once on the show itself you will hopefully be able to well up with tears at the drop of a hat once the obligatory shrine to the departed has been nailed to some wall or other within the house.