How to Commit the Seven Deadly Sins

A commonly overlooked thought is that there needs to be a steady balance of good and evil for the whole biblical system to work.  Look at it this way.  The forces of evil spend all their time pressuring everyone to commit some kind of sins.  The forces of good spend all day sitting on the shoulders of man and telling them not to do any sinning.  Without evil, what would good do?  They're nice guys.  They just don't know how to not talk about work.  So, take a moment out of your nice, puritan ways, to do some sinning.  It's for everyone's own good, really.  Just follow this easy guide and you'll be on the fast track to damnation.  Give those little shoulder angels something to argue about.

1. Sloth- Ahh, the easiest of the seven deadlies and my personal favorite.  Sloth is easy to accomplish.  What do you have to do today?  Go to work?  Feed the cat?  Water the plants?  Well, don't.  That's right, don't do them.  Instead, grab yourself a carton of ice cream and plop down in front of the television to watch some cartoons.  The key is to find a program that literally turns your brain to mush.  You can't think too hard about it.  That'd ruin everything.
You have to remember when attempting this sin that normal society frowns on someone who isn't doing anything.  You'll have to deal with angry relatives, bosses, and coworkers if you really get into it.  To get rid of them, stop showering and start drooling.  You'll be left to your slow moving sinful ways in no time.