Everything's Bigger in Texas, Including the Dumb Laws

Continuing in my cross country journey of dumb laws, we will look (and laugh) at the dumb laws in the state of Texas.

Researching the dumb state laws of this great country has been more fun than shooting a buffalo from a hotel balcony! Oh wait! That's illegal to do in Texas! At least it is illegal to do it from the second floor of a hotel, I suppose it is ok if you are any other floor of the hotel.

Texas thinks big when it comes to laws, they have even created a program that attempts to control the weather. When I get to go visit my favorite Uncle and Aunt in Texas, I will put in a request for sunny warm days.

It is illegal to sell one's eyes in Texas, so take plenty of money with you travel there. Do not carry wire cutters in your back pocket if you travel through Austin, that could get you trouble.

It is illegal to milk another person's cow, so if you are addicted to cow milking, bring your own cow to Texas.

Texas is a very polite and thoughtful state, they recently passed an anticrime law that requires criminals give their victims a 24 hour notice and explanation of the crime they are fixing to commit against them. This notice can be given to the future victim either verbally or in writing. Now that's special! That gives victims time to polish their jewelry before the criminal comes back to steal it. You will rest easy in Texas knowing that no one in Texas will commit a crime against you without a 24 hour advanced notice.

Encyclopedias are banned in Texas, specifically the entire set of Encyclopedia Britannica because it contains the recipe for making beer at home. I did not know anyone made beer at home, maybe Texas has their own special beer recipe and does not want any Yankee encyclopedic formula messing with it. It is also illegal to take more than three sips of beer while standing in Texas, that homebrew must be very powerful and they want people to be seated before it kicks in.

Texas does have a problem with feather dusters, in Clarendon it is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster, and in Borger it is illegal to throw a feather duster.