The Five Most Logically Unsound Boasts in Rap Music

Rappers are well known for their boastful natures--it's a staple of the genre, albeit an irritating one. But how do the boasts of popular rap artists (or "rap-ists") hold up from a logical standpoint?

If you're an asshole about it, they really don't. Take these cases in illogicality, for instance:

5. Soulja Boy: Haterz get mad cuz / "I got me some bathin' apes"

Why It Doesn't Make Sense:

Haters are going to get mad about anything, as it's in their job description. Why they'd be particularly incensed by bathing apes, or any sort of bathing primate, is perplexing, more so when you consider exactly why Soulja Boy would be keeping bathing apes at his presumably mansion-like estate.

It's well documented that a small monkey is an easier creature to keep domestically than a large ape, and will likely groom itself regularly. Maybe the sheer impossibility of keeping live apes and forcing them to bathe for the deranged entertainment of house guests is some kind of thrill for Soulja Boy. Maybe he wants to enforce self-grooming, and uses the apes as an example, since even a low primate knows to take care of itself, though they obviously disgust Haters. Maybe Soulja Boy is a shit-fuck moron, and this song is filled with more incoherent bullshit than a David Lynch movie. From the context of the phrase in the song, it's impossible to tell.

4. M.I.M.S.: This is why I'm hot, this is why I'm hot. I'm hot cause I'm fly. You ain't cause you not.

Why It Doesn't Make Sense:

M.I.M.S. is using "fly" and "hot" as synonyms, and therefore this boast is unnecessary, since nearly everyone is already aware of how synonyms work. Giving two synonymous adjectives to prove a quality is very logically unsound.

M.I.M.S. could have been far more direct by saying, "This is why I'm hot: I actually don't want to explain why, but one synonym for hot is "fly." I am hot as well as fly. You, however, aren't either." But that doesn't rhyme, and you can't really grind to it.