Holy H20:

"Warning to sinners: if you are a sinner or evil in nature, this product may cause burning, intense heat, sweating, skin irritations, rashes, itchiness, vomiting, bloodshot and watery eyes, pale skin color and oral irritations."

Warning [to other suckers]: "Consuming Holy Drinking Water should not replace attending church or any other establishment of worship." As if.

These warnings actually appear on the label of Holy Drinking Water, which is bottled by Wayne Enterprises out of Linden, California.

Upon hearing about holy drinking water NOT from the Jordan being bottled and sold out of California, I thought it was a hoax, a piece in the Onion. After a less than thorough investigation, I have discovered it is true.

What is it?

Its definitely not BlingH20 - that's for sinners, and it sure isn't Vitamin Water - $1.39 bottled water (depending on where you live) that mimics a glass of tap water and half a multivitamin. No friends, it is HOLY water, water that "is blessed into holy water by the hands of God. By the hands of God, we mean priest, churchman, clergyman, cleric, curate, divine, ecclesiastic, elder, father, friar, holy man, lama, monk, padre, pontiff, preacher, rabbi, rector, sky pilot, or vicar", according to the Holy Drinking Water people.

Why is it?

To make money, of course. Those are my words, naturally, but according to the Holy Drinking Water people, the reason for this consecrated beverage is 2-fold:

1. to serve as a "daily reminder that [people] can and should do good" and
2. to let people know that "they may not be as bad of a person as they think"

Wayne CEO, Brian Germann, told Newsweek that it's like a rosary or a crucifix in that a bottle of Holy Drinking Water is a "daily reminder to be kind to others."

Wow. I didn't know water could do that, lie to people and let them think that they're rally not as evil, wicked, mean and nasty as they think they are. It is holy "humble" drinking water! I hear it goes great with that humble pie after a long night of drinking. Who knows, it may even cure hangovers.