Helping Children Deal with Grief

When someone close to us passes away, it is always a very sad and difficult thing to go through. As adults, we are fortunate to have lived long enough to be able to grasp some of the fundamental ideals about death and dying, and are able to cope with the experiences in most cases. We understand that crying is part of grieving and we realize that there are many avenues for the prospect of healing. For children, the loss of someone in their lives can be a very scary and confusing experience. For many, it will be the first time they have ever experienced such a grown up emotion, one that they will have no idea how to cope with. There are many things that you can do as a parent or adult to help small children understand death and dealing with what they are feeling.

First of all, you must always take into consideration the age of your child. Perhaps he is far too young to comprehend much of what is going on around him. Be certain that when you talk about things that you are using language that he can understand. Use small words that are familiar.

Communication is the biggest key we can integrate. Talk with your child. Remember to consider when and where these discussions are appropriate. When it is a good time, gently talk to your child about the deceased loved one. Start with memories of good times shared with the person that your child has lost. Recall a happy memory you, yourself, had with the individual and then ask your child to think of a happy memory that she has. If your child remains quiet, gently help her recall a memory. “I remember when I was your age, Grandpa Sam used to take me fishing all the time. Do you remember when Grandpa Sam took you fishing down at the pond?” Help your child talk about one memory at a time, putting emphasis on the good things. For example, in our fishing scenario, have your child talk about how many fish they caught, or how much fun they had laughing on the banks of the pond.