The Tour De France Has a Female Winner!

Paris – Five years after the professional cycling world began allowing women to compete in the three month long Tour de France, the cycling world was stunned when a twenty one year old law student from Long Island, New York became the first woman in the 105 year history of the race to wear the coveted yellow jersey. But the victory did not come without incident.

Flora Eloise Hobble, member of the Stay Free Mini-pad team won the 220 kilometer race in just over 12 weeks, literally destroying her male counterparts through a combination of arguments, temper tantrums and the silent treatment.

“I got off to a pretty shaky start,” said Hobble. “My team director managed to misplace my custom made, carbon fiber makeup case on the flight over, so I had to send him out in search of a replacement. Fortunately, this being France and all, we were able to get one flown in from Paris, just minutes before the start of the first stage.” Three days prior to the race, six other women from four teams were disqualified for using banned breast implants. Although the disqualified cyclists claimed to have participated in rigorous wind tunnel tests, it was determined that the implants did not comply with strict International Cycling Union guidelines for aerodynamics.

The integration of women into what was traditionally an all-male athletic competition did not come easy. Many complained that including female competitors into the lineup would serve as an unnecessary distraction to the male riders. “I haven’t seen my girlfriend for over two months,” complained Jan Ullrich, star rider from team Stanozolol. “And if you think its easy hiding your feelings in these skimpy, skin-tight cycling shorts, you’d better think again.”

Twenty-one year old Flora Eloise Hobble wins the coveted yellow jersey

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