The Dopes of Cycling: They're Here, They're Queer and They Hate Cars

Why Am I Writing About Cycling? Part III

By Jetlag Democracy, published Aug 09, 2006

Published Content: 449 Total Views: 793,626 Favorited By: 23 CPs

Rating: 2.9 of 5

Okay, this is Part III of the "Why Am I Writing about Cycling?" series. And before I get into my points, or lack thereof, let me clarify this article's title before too many panties get bunched up. The Dopes of Cycling: They're Here, They're Queer and They Hate Cars is, by all counts, a marginally clever title. However, it is not meant to imply that cyclists are actually queer, or gay, or even homosexual for that matter. Even if their ridiculous spandex might scream otherwise, my use of the word queer is merely meant to infer a difference, a Texas sized lifestyle difference that will separate "bike" people and "car" people until the day the ice caps melt and the sharks inherit the earth.

CAR PEOPLE

Ah, Car People, my people. Car People don't even need to be "car people", in a traditional sense, to enjoy membership in this sect. They don't need to be grease monkeys or even have the slightest idea of how cars work They don't even have to own a fucking car. They merely need to appreciate cars, roads and highways for what they are: society's highest form of personal transportation. These people need not "hate" cycling or cyclists. In fact, they might even be cyclists. Car People adhere to one principal and one principal only: they'd rather get from point A to point B without getting run off the road by a spandex clad warrior or worse, vice versa and a manslaughter trial. I am Car People, here me roar.

BIKE PEOPLE

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Comments

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Victor T. Chambers

I can't believe my girlfriend said this is a great article. Well, it's written well. It makes clear distinct points. Bicycles were made for roads... No roads were made for bicycles. That's your problem. I think another part of the problem is how big the cars are... I love riding in traffic and having people beep at me. If you really want to complain just get the Bicycle classed as a vehicle which doesn't have rights to the road. If bullets kill get rid of the bullets. If operators kill get rid of the operators.

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Posted on 03/15/2008 at 11:03:47 PM

Bert E. Jean

Great article, a surprise by using the search term queer.

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Posted on 03/15/2008 at 10:03:54 PM

Ben Brown

I don't hate cars, but I loathe overly aggressive drivers who think they're on a closed race course and damn anybody who causes them to ease off the accelerator a little. Folks with your attitude not only kill cyclists but pedestrians, dogs, cats and kids, not to mention other drivers. All this so you can get home a minute earlier? Shame!

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Posted on 07/10/2007 at 12:07:00 AM

vern

What an insecure little person. The earlier comment about Xenophobia was right. Can you say "Hitler with a car"? Since your advocating the killing of another...how about this, you run over one of my cycling buddies and the rest of us will kick your fat ass.

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Posted on 04/18/2007 at 12:04:00 PM

Pete Marozzi

It seems rather ignorant to advocate the murder of one person based on their form of transport. That said, a quick look at many countries around the world reveals that cars and bicycles are able to co-exist. Look at China, Taiwan, Thailand and a number of other countries in Southeast Asia. The issue here is not with cyclists but rather road and city design. By building roads without shoulders, by forcing all forms of traffic into one large artery, people are forced into situations that aren't necessary. I currently live in Taiwan, and by default all roads have a shoulder that doubles as a scooter / motorcycle / bicycle lane. People can easily fit into one part of the road or the other. Rather than push for death, why not seek constructive ways to remedy the problem? Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

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Posted on 03/09/2007 at 7:03:00 AM

Scofflaw

Jetlag, I think I have discovered the source of your hatred for bicycle riders. 1. You have to pay for gas to drive your car. 2. You have to pay insurance to drive your car. 3. You have to wait in rush-hour traffic in your car. 4. You have to pay parking meters with your car. 5. You have to pay for oil changes, repair chargers, and tire rotations for your car. 6. You pollute the earth with disregard for the future of our country. 7. You are jealous of bicycle riders for the fact that reasons 1-6 don't apply to them. Thanks for reading. Sucker.

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Posted on 03/09/2007 at 5:03:00 AM

DudeX

Fact is that Spandex is coming back in a big, big way. Spandex is sexy and it rules. Unless your ass looks like a basketball of exploding cottage cheese.

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