Lance Bass Comes Out

There's a Thin Line Between Sexual Freedom and Shameless Publicity

A few years back, when Justin Timberlake and friends were ruling the chart, it wasn't uncommon to hear some punk kid say, "NSYNC is totally gay, man."

Ah today, how the prophetic irony rings true. Lance Bass, who was probably the third or fourth most likeable/famous member of the best selling boy band, recently left the so-called closet and announced to the world that he is gay. He also announced that he is dating a former star of the CBS reality show "Amazing Race" and that'll he be starring in a gay themed TV pilot with fellow NSYNC-er Joey Fatone.

He want on to mention the creation of a gay theme restaurant chain, where animatronic Lance Bass statues will sing show tunes as guests enjoy a creative menu featuring seventeen different margarita flavors. He also announced that he has eleven different piercings from the nipples on down and that he enjoys autoerotic asphyxiation ("scarfing"), but only in safe settings, and that he's okay with that and you should be too.

You see, because, in today's world, being gay actually carries very little water. Only our President and a few 100,000 Bible Belters seem to get a rise out of the idea of homosexuals, and culturally speaking, their opinion means very little. The notion has become so passé that stars only "come out" when they have a new product to hawk.

Obviously, the third paragraph of this article is made up. I mean, Lance Bass might be into scarfing, but I don't know that. Maybe I have an overactive imagination, and I'm not saying that I don't, but I've come up with a potential master plan directly related to the Lance Bass Coming Out Party 2006. Here goes…