Breaking Up Over Phone or Email

Breaking up is never easy. And each situation is unique. But breakup problems have the same solution. If you're breaking up with someone, you sit down with the person you’re involved with, you look them in the eye and you tell them that you want to end the relationship. And you try to do this in the kindest, least hurtful way possible. Sounds simple, right? Ha!

It’s amazing what people will do to avoid breaking up in person and having an honest conversation about their feelings. For example, there is even a reality show coming up on the Oxygen Network, called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty where Shannen does the dirty work for you!

But there has to be some middle ground between having an awkward face-to-face conversation and involving Brenda from 90210 in your personal life- right?

The truth is, in some situations, you can get away with breaking up over the phone or email without being a complete asshole. Once I broke up with someone by text message and felt completely justified- but that was a special case. If it’s at all serious of course you have to break up in person. If it’s fairly casual, your conscience will tell you if a face-to-face conversation is called for but here are some guidelines.

You absolutely have to break up in person if:

-you were introduced by a mutual friend. This is a manners thing. You need to be extra careful because you don’t want to offend the friend who made the introduction.

-you have had sex more than once. Again- manners thing. Whether it was casual or not you should be nicest to the people who you have had sex with.

But online dating has changed everything and if a mini-relationship was born over IM, why shouldn’t it die the same way? Email can be even better because it can be composed at leisure and you don’t have to worry about an overly emotional real-time reaction.