Unemployed Republican Candidates to Save America?

Anyone ever notice how most of the Republicans running for President do not hold current positions? They're unemployed! Does that mean anything? No! As George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan have proved, hard work is a vice. While they might not have jobs, while they might not have to vote or take stances on the pertinent issues in Congress or in their states, I can prove to you that each of them has been working tirelessly in the public service. And, just for clarification, by public service, you mean obvious self interest, right?

First up, we have FORMER Senator Fred Thompson. He left the Senate in 2003 to work one of the most pressing issues facing America. Solving crime. On television. As a dedicated public servant. Fred Thompson has worked tirelessly in Hollywood to make sure that we have something to watch on syndicated television until the end of time. Without his work, imagine what Must See TV would be like? Cringe.

Don't forget the esteemed FORMER Mayor of New York City, Rudy Guiliani, who stepped down back in 2002, just six short years ago. Since leaving, though, he's continued to save New York City from the abyss by speaking all around the country about himself, action, and 9/11. He also started a website and...ugghh...did another speaking tour. Throw in a few shady Wall Street deals, Middle Eastern Business ties, and you got yourself the next President of the United States!

But wait, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The Governors are in the House!