Merry Christmas from Me to You

I took my son out Christmas shopping yesterday. I'm essentially done with the presents for people I will see on December 25th, but in this season of giving, I want to reach out to my friends in the online world. Please accept these virtual gifts and receive them in the spirit in which I give them.

Alex - Since a World Series win for the Orioles is out of the question, may your accountant come up with five new deductions that allow you to buy that new car that you need almost as much as me.

Jacques Boulerice - An audience for your radio show the size of Howard Stern's and an equally large following for your AC work, providing you promise no more articles about the Loch Ness monster.

Dave - May the new boss give you as much autonomy as the old boss yet give you the recognition your work so clearly deserves. And since I don't care about hockey any more, may the Flyers bring your city a championship for the first time in - what is it now, 27 years?

DrDevience - A never expiring Eurail Global Pass, but only if I get a Lapland T-shirt in return.

Jake Emen - A video, complete with Ferdie Pacheco commentary, of you dismantling Tom Coughlin after another late-season collapse.

Carol Bengle Gilbert - What do you give the woman who has everything? Much like Sean Penn gave Michael Douglas in The Game, I'm going to give Carol an experience. My gift for Carol is to make her compose a poorly-written article that evokes tons of negative feedback, so just once in her career here at AC she can see what it's like for the rest of us on occasion.

Jeff Gorman - Admission to the Law School of your first choice. Because I'm going to need a good lawyer after the beating I put on Cleveland Cosanostra in the finals this week.

Michael Grisso - A gig working as an assistant for Mel Kiper, where in return for styling his hair every day you get unlimited access to his files for your Mock NFL drafts.

Lee Andrew Henderson - The identity of your personal downrater, so you can give the individual the throttling he so richly deserves. But you will probably be too busy writing articles to take full advantage of the opportunity. Hey, slow down and make a fantasy football trade or something!