How Can I Tell If a Child is Being Abused?

How do I know if a child is being abused or neglected? And what is abuse? What are the signs?

The following are a few of the physical and behavioral signs of child abuse and neglect. Please note that the listed signs of child abuse in each category may pertain to more than one type of abuse or neglect. For example, "lack of concentration" could be a sign of sexual abuse, as well as emotional abuse.

Before I start, I want to say these signs are just a short list, and are by no means complete. Please note: these are signs in young children, not in adults who have a history of child abuse. Once victims grow up without any intervention or counseling, their symptoms are totally different. (More about this at another time.)

Physical Signs of Child Abuse

1. Unexplained burns, cuts, bruises, or welts in the shape of an object

2. Bite marks

3. Anti-social behavior

4. Problems in school

5. Fear of adults

Emotional Signs of Child Abuse

1. Apathy

2. Depression

3. Hostility or stress

4. Lack of concentration

5. Eating disorders

Sexual Signs of Child Abuse

1. Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts

2. Nightmares and bed wetting

3. Drastic changes in appetite

4. Over compliance or excessive aggression

5. Fear of a particular person or family member

Signs of Neglect

1. Unsuitable clothing for weather

2. Dirty or unbathed

3. Extreme hunger

4. Apparent lack of supervision

From my experience with abused kids, they will usually go one of two ways:

1. Be a loner. Always need a "secret hiding place"

2. Be a bully, either aggressively or passive-aggressively

What is abuse? This is my definition, after more than 30 years' experience:

Any behavior that causes a child to feel shame and a

total loss of power.

Using that definition, tickling a child until he wets his pants, even though he's screaming for you to stop could be classified as "abuse" -- especially if a group is gathered and the tickling is forced. And if that child is sensitive by nature, it will definitely leave psychological scars.